i feel like everything has collapsed under me. it hasn't.

i am so. so angry at so many people in my life.

i miss the days when my guard was down because it didn't have to be up.

i am fucking over every relationship im going to have in the future. and i use the present tense because i continue to make the same mistakes. i think i have a radar or something for unhealthy situations so i just gravitate towards them. and im losing energy to keep doing it. i am losing the energy to find something good.

my horoscope for today:

you may discover that recent actions in the realm of romance and love may not have been particularly appropriate. They may have seemed satisfying at the time, but on closer examination, you may discover that you were compromising in order to make it seem like everything was working the way you wanted it to.

maybe that should just be my life horoscope? how ironic.

this is me at 3 in the morning. so take it with a grain of salt.

but anyway.

im tired of always waiting for someone else. it seems like no matter who it is, im always waiting.

i just want something to be pure and normal. no baggage, no pretense, no games. just normal and honest. and i feel like im getting to the end of my rope.

i'm tired of putting myself in the position to be hurt. so maybe i just won't anymore. not that anyone cares. :-/ really though. no one around here at least.

in the end, everything turns out ok.

if its not ok, its not the end.

So. Now that I've organized my closet, done two loads of laundry, made myself a snack, cleaned our room, taken out the garbage, showered, talked to Allie, called my parents, studied for my *other* class, checked my email and facebook a million times for new developments, and pondered life in general...its time to finish the paper from hell thats been haunting me all day. Actually haunting.  I don't think I've ever hated something so much in my entire life.

I know, I know, education is a privledge, not a right. But seriously, if I have to hear one more word about religion in Asia I'm going to go absolutely nuts and fall off the edge of the planet.

Yeah, I thought the delirium mode would go away after a long break, but I guess it didnt.